Enlightenment

I think I've finally get the point of me, having a blog. It's to substitute all the times I don't talk to people. It seems that there isn't anyone interested to listen anyway. They just want me to listen most of the time. So it seems....

Maybe I'll take up Lette's proposal on changing to lj. But then I don't even know if I'll continue to blog. It seems more like I'm talking to myself rather than sharing my thoughts over the net.

No achievements to really boast about during my absence. Purhaps only the shame of declaring that I'm flaunting my cash, carelessly cabbing and stuff.

Got $150 stolen today. Not sure who did it or exactly when but the culprit was sure nice enough to leave $50 inside for me. Maybe it's a wakeup call, yeah just another donation to the totally non needy. It didn't hit me as hard maybe cause I've forgotten to feeling of being broke. Having enough to happily tide the months by. Lost my scrimp and stingy self back there somewhere last year. Yes it's true I place little importance on money.

It's christmas eve and I feel like it's a regular day. I've no life whatsoever. I feel so un-Singaporean like. Why? It's because everyday's just another day for me. Yeah carefree's a good way to describe it. It's like I'm lying to myself that I don't need the other things in life. No, I think I've just turned a blind eye.

I'm turning to be like Hammy and I think I need help.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

Fluffy Hearts

Guess I'm still a little girl when it comes to my heart. It goes "doki doki" at cute lil' scenes and skips a beat on anime love scenes I almost go red watching.

Well, there's that cause my heart's in my ribcage right now (quote from Bri) and taking a snooze till the next time I go into girly mode again. Fawning at cute lil' scenes and overreacting like a girl watching her idol on tv. Utterly drooling. Utterly dreaming.

Pillowfights, fluffy boobs; a woman's warmth on a cold night. Falling asleep in her embrace.

PS. I'm still more in love with THQ than Blizzard

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

What's to say?

Been pretty busy lately. I'm either working, resting or exercising. Yeah I am free ,lots, but I'd rather just slack in camp or at home. Life's just hasn't been the same. You know Ion's been open so long but when it's your first trip there at the start of this month, something's really wrong. Curse my arbituary life? Nah! Ups and downs but alone's where I'm really at.

The latest christmas present I got from my mom. I really don't know what to say. It's labelled "High Society Fantasy - Limited Edition 2009". I had my hopes up on it being a wallet or something for like 3 seconds ,cause the box was artificial leather, till I opened it up and found out it had a deck of cards and 2 music cds. Had a great laugh there. Now currently listening them. Well, mom sure knows how to surprise me when it comes to this.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

Roulez la matrice

Saw : blabbermouthed China cunts, Bryan from Canada, Emily, Kum boys, Random filipino dudes.

Did : pool, booze, poker, sex, chin-ups, youtube, laughs, fried rice, guitar.

Enjoyed : Utter silence for the past week. German boy bands I have a crush on. Rock bands who're older than me.


Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

SIN

WTF? Can't believe I like totally forgot 3 people's birthdays for these 2 weeks. Come to think of it, this year, the only lucky people who got wished by me were Ben and Nicholas. Oh yes and I can't remember the lucky digits cause I'm always so bad with numbers.

Sorry Rozann, Nicole Ong and dear Serene for being totally oblivious (unless reminded constantly) about it. Well just to let you guys know, I've not celebrated mine in years. Always wanted to have a proper party or something but things never turn out right.

Speaking of dates, I can't seem to remember when all the holidays are either. I only know when I'm told (which is always the last minute). With my negative affinity to numerical values, I'm still bedazzled as to how I even pass my 'O' level math paper (No I didn't study so it isn't hard work either).

Coming away from all the negative energy, I got shocked by how much Nicole changed. No it's not Nicole Ong, no it's not Nicole from Yishun either. It's the first Nicole I ever knew and was always intruding in terms of hospitality.

She's become so... What's the politically correct term again? Ahh yes, SLIM. So abruptly changing the topic here, it seems that exercise has become the bane of a Singaporean, as far as the masses are concerned. Everywhere when people want to lose weight, they start going on a diet. Yes even me, who wants to lower my BFI, is watching what a eat (simply speaking I'm eating normal portions now). And by normal I mean the "wtf how can you even be full with so little food" amount.

From what I've been observing, so many girls have ruined their chance to be 'absolutely hawt' just because they didn't eat enough during puberty. If you still don't get it, I mean the boobs. Okay just kidding, it's just the overall body figure. Where the thighs, ass, arms and every single part of the body can be altered through natural means, I'm afraid the hooters are beyond the means of the poor/average income citizens.

Did you know that when the list of the 7 deadly sins were first created, back then before Jesus. Laziness or otherwise 'Sloth' were 2 different sins. Meaning, there were 8 deadly sins and sloth was divided into 2. I can't emphasize enough how much damage this single word can cause. so putting 'sloth' into prospect in conjuction to the earlier mention of eating disorder, Singaporean are lazy, thats why they rather diet. It's just a vicious cycle. I've been told many times that I eat so much and don't gain weight. Well FYI, it's my metabolism rate and where all those calories go. Yes I have to ability to lose pounds while being a complete couch potato, a skill that many would kill for.

For those who know me well enough to say "this fucker doesn't exercise at all", it's completely true up till afew months back where I finally told myself, I want to be fit. I'm slowly working my way up there. Having setbacks but nevertheless, never truly backsliding in my conviction.

The cycle goes, I burn more calories so my appetite increases. As eat more and am more physically active, I am more energetic. Now you might want to say "the bastard's always sleepy" sorry but it's just in my nature that I can never have too much sleep.

If you've ever asked myself how I've ever composed my posts cause it's so disorganised, it's "Rantings of The Demented". Meaning my fingers are at the mercy of what ever whims my mind cocks up.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

Globalisation makes the World smaller

You know so many omfg things happened while I wasn't blogging? I'll try to be chronological about them. First up's is ALWAYS bumping into Siang Ann. Sembawang camp countless times. Sometimes outside when I least expect it. Damn even at my own market. So here's where I went "o.O?". We were partners for the course I had back on Tuesday and Wednesday. We talked and talked and talked and talked. Basically found out interesting and otherwise literally mind bogglingly juicy stuff.

Stuff like, he hung out with Cheryl and knows the whole family like I do, okay maybe not exactly but similar enough. Then after afew days I decide to go search him up cause I suddenly had to urge to go check my facebook. While randomly browsing through I saw someone familiar so I went omfg again.

So this begins the whole Jia Wei arc. Met her during a drinking session I had like say around a month or two back. She was like always sitting beside me cause of Calvin and so I got the chance to get familiar with her. Nothing much after that besides hearing her name spoken from time to time. Then here comes the link to the facebook issue. She was the familiar face I saw and decided the share with her the whole coincidental reunion we had.

So linked to facebook again I came across another assosiate from primary school. But for her case I'm keep it a secret for now, till things develop and I actually have something of reasonable content to fill a post with.

Then next is back at work. Can you imagine bumping into the same 2 girls like... 20 TIMES!!! Best of all, later after I start resting do I figure out that they're the skanks my friend is wanting me to get for him cause I owe him a favor. The follow up of things was the first time I was so interested you know. As in wanting to know what happens and stuff. IT'S DAMN FUN LA. (Part removed due to sensitive issues =D)

So I plan to do it again tommorrow =D

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

The girl from block 351

We exchanged glances... Our eyes met several times... Our thoughts were one and the same... But then, neither of us had the courage to walk up to the other. A pity... Perhaps next time. Since we're so fated to bump into each other every few months. For I watched her mature into the woman she is today and she the same to me. Perhaps....

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

Silence

I'm just not used to the whole idea about telling people anything at all. That being the reason why I always take so long to come up with a new post. Too many sensitive issues and important promises might be the case. Well... Don't know, so think I'll leave the next post to chance I guess. I don't see much point in talking to the wall in hopes people hear what I say anyway. I'd rather talk to the person instead.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

Fatal Flaw

Know what? I'm in love with like everything sappy and sad in the World. It's so masochistic. It's like I know it's gunna make me cry over and over again but that doesn't phase my resolution or even come up to mind that it's going to be a problem after that. Blame it on visceral impulses.

It's like... Sappy songs which listening to it over and over again can cause one to cry. Soaps which never fail to make me ever so sad. I even burn the whole day finishing whole series. For today Kurokami The Animation, it ends with the scene of a guy having his wedding with the childhood friend and him, on his deathbed, aged with a full mane of white hair facing the sunset, after his final words telepathically through 1 final syncronisation, he passes on with the scene of his grandchildren calling him to dinner.

Keita: Kuro, that's enough now. I'll take the curse with me, my life has been nothing but bliss. Thank You.

Kuro: Thank goodness. Keita has always... Thank you. Rest in peace, my contractee.


Kuro, on her self imposed seclusion starts tearing and said to herself those words. I know it doesn't exactly have anything to do with me but it just pains me so much. Yes I know it doesn't make sense to you who's reading but hey I'm crying here so let me be. It's just damn touching because they both were "watashi no taisetsunamono" , my most important person, to each other through everthing they faced.

So let me ask you. I know we all should pick the better choice. Leading a successful life and blissfully retiring. But I pick the other even if it leads me to be a pauper because I'm with the one 1 love most. That's what being the most important to me means. I just have a very Japanese orientated, sucker girl mentality. What would you choose?

Just having my little moment now for the people who's not in my life, even after trying my best.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

Laaazy ; ambigiousness

Thinking of joining Evolve after I ORD, the training's good and it's somewhere I can display the talent I was ever so proud of. It just feels like I'm turning my head away at this point of time, like betraying my very beliefs. After all I've been asked to join so many times.

Wonder how all the guys back at Ninja are doing since I last heard of them. Missed the days we sweat, ate and limped, all battered and broken. Those were harsh yet, fun times.

Currently doing things which are so not me apparently. Enjoying Chinese songs, English pop. Oh yeah have I mentioned? Pink totally has spunk and I love her for it, of course as well as her voice. Plus Pink = my favourite color as well. Lol...

Hmm... You realise I always say the words "lol" alot. I always get asked why am I laughing or smiling at the same time you know. It's just my natural reaction and I'm not really sure how it came about. Praise and getting earfuls have been the norm with this trait of mine.

Spinal Tap's on my 'A' list now. It's original... It's hilarious... Heck, it's a bloody classic. "No one knows who they were or what they were doing, but their legacy remains" What kind of fucking line is that? It's doesn't make any sense but lol. There's this other part where this male receptionist gets asked "How are we gonna fit 14 people in a king sized bed?" and he says "Don't tempt me sir.". I was all caught up in their thick accents that I didn't even realise the fella was gay till later. Must watch movie, so here's it's trailer.



"A place where eardrums go to die... From the living legends of rock and roll lunacy, this is spinal tap".

Everwhere I turn it's a Les Paul you know oh yeah and also Fender, but I favor Les Paul! Gonna get myself a Gibson standard sooner or later then work my way to an Esp or ibanez even. Lol yes I'm dreaming but it's all good.

Kinda miss the ex now that she's gone for good. Oh wells, life goes on without her anyways.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

Distance...

Bri I think you look hawt on webcam. Lol you're prolly gunna go wtf in your room but yeah... Wth lol.

Okay like I was saying, distance. It's just that everyone feels so distant. The people I want to talk to and see, always so far away.

Lazy yet again. Started with 4 lines. Left it to ferment overnight and here I am, back again staring blankly at the screen in hopes of inspiration.

I came across these words yesterday which sure hit the bullseye. "The both of us really were slow, weren't we? Hurting each other, deceiving each other, facing each other. But this will be the last time we hurt each other. Her... Me... And you too... I've always.... Always... Loved you." We're all so not honest to ourselves...

Date with darling sure felt great cause we could do stuff unhindered. Walked and walked and walked, all over town, 2 times over. Abigail doesn't remember me and I agree Sonia is the slutty kind of pretty. Kinda took me by surprise when she greeted me with a left handshake instead of a right. We went like everywhere looking for an open tattoo shop and the girls went on and on about some famous tattoo artist. Something two thumbs or something =/ The 2 bimbos left and I finally came out of retirement from pool.

Really enjoyed getting owned lol. At least it was constructive. Talked loads and we were almost died walking to take the night rider. Darling you know... My bus went to Orchard as well so why the hell did we go all the way to City Hall?

Wonder where Rozann died to? Well for consolations, found out Winnie and Lovely share a common interest with me in German. Lets do pool! :D

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

What is this all about?

Late for my date as usual =/ I'm always late. Transformers was okay... Just felt like the creators tried too hard to add in more fight scenes it didn't really go too smoothly. Didn't get to cut my hair and so now I'm wondering if I'll get fucked tomorrow. Coffee, tea, shopping, childish games and fun in the kitchen. Camp, sleep deprevation and guitar hero. How do I describe myself? Gotta wonder... Hmm... Suttle glances and pretty smiles sure gives life a lighter tinge to it. Her rantings and dear diary antics sure just puts a smile on my face. Got to love that about you.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

Father's, Day

Well I finally went out for once. Took a cab down straight from school. It's refreshing a change for once, hopes this marks the end of this depressing paradigm. Food was great. The beef was umm grade 9-12? I don't know, can't really tell. Foie gras, king crabs, Cram Brulee. Yumz? Been really really long since I ate anything that good. I still can taste the beef in my mouth and it's driving me insane. *sigh* Hooked on food yet again.
Japanese and French fusion cuisine suits my comeback into the gormet eating industry. Binge, binge and binge!

Might upload photos at long last. Got to remember to get them from mom later though.

Oh my god, I just realised. The "Mr Douche" was me! I glanced past it without as much as a second thought and completely forgot about it. By the way a "Douche" is a device used to introduce a stream of water into the body for medical or hygienic reasons, or the stream of water itself. "Douche" usually refers to vaginal irrigation, the rinsing of the vagina, but it can also refer to the rinsing of any body cavity. The word "Douche" comes from the French language, in which its principal meaning is a shower (it is thus a notorious false friend encountered by non-native speakers of English; the French phrase for vaginal douching is douche vaginale, meaning vaginal shower). The word "douche" is also used in English as a derogatory slang term which I think you meant "Douche Bag" which implies a variety of negative qualities, specifically arrogance and engaging in obnoxious and/or irritating actions without malicious intent. It is generally used for males only. So either way it's wrong. Unless of course you were using it in the perverse way which would make me laugh just as hard too. LOL.

Bri and Rox(why Rox not Roz? Got to remember to bring that up next time). Not sure who I messaged saying I miss the both of you alot but well this solves everything. Meaning me saying it out here.

Rox seriously I don't know why I don't contact you unless it's about planning to meet up. Think I'm going to attribute it to the vibe you gave off in the past. Haha I still remember every single time you 'dao-ed' Ben. You know if I try to think of you for more than like 5 seconds, I kind of just burst out laughing cause you're like the undisputed Queen of funny faces. You just tickle my funny bone.

Bri do you remember the last time we met while you were still wearing your school uniform? Where we layed down resting on each other's laps. And dear Eddie not being able to sing his ABCs even if his life depended on it. LOL. Fun times, might not fully apply to you due to the predicament you were in during that time but nevertheless, it was fun for me.

Finally going to meet Nicole after like 3 maybe 4 years of messages being exchanged here and there. You got me noticing you on my birthday. The interval of our little exchanges decreased, now they aren't little anymore and I find myself being more informal. Hmm... Wonder how you look right now. 4 years is alot of time for you to change. Yeah and I think my contacts are like so expensive now that I think about it. Will try and remember to consult you again if I ever finish mine.

Exam's next week. Hope I pass on the first try and say goodbye to the place I toil at. Day in, day out.

Excitment, nostalgia, reminiscing the story of you and me.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

Moments

I'm really glad I met you guys. This isn't about how much time we spent together but what it means to me. The times we laughed. The times we cried. The times we were so in over our heads that we failed and moved on together.

Ben, I remember a line you told me in the past about being somebody. I think I finally found it. To me... It isn't about being a powerful person. Earning lots of money. Nor anything else you could possibly think about. It's about having the most joy and satisfaction in what I do.

You can't put value into how much impact a person can have on you. Lying down side by side talking the night away, or being stranded together in the middle of the night with nowhere to go. They're all wonderful memories I will carry around with me.

The times we bitched together. Even those, hold a special place in my heart.

No it's not about him or her. It's about everyone and anyone who I had fortune to befriend.

In the end it wasn't about detachment from society. I'm just an idealist who has no bounds and conformity.

Thank you.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

At Gunpoint

Apparently lost for words as far as it comes to English so I've resorted to this. Nic this goes out to you as well. Lolx if you even understand, but I think you'll get it one way or another.


Ich dreh langsam durch Deinetwegen
Doch was ist bloß mit mir passiert (ich kann nicht mehr)
Auf einmal warst Du in meinem Leben
Ich weiß, dass es Dich nicht interessiert

Jetzt fehlst Du mir
Und Du weißt nicht mal, wer ich bin
Jede Nacht steh ich vor Deiner Tür

Du fehlst mir so
Ich fühl mich wie Romeo in einer One Man Show
Du fehlst mir so
Und dieser Song läuft nur für Dich im Radio

Ich sehe Dich mit geschloss’nen Augen
Die Bilder, die mich jetzt furchtbar quälen
Wie viele Nächte willst Du mir rauben?
Wie viele Sekunden muss ich zählen?

Jetzt fehlst Du mir
Und Du weißt nicht mal wer ich bin
Jede Nacht steh ich vor Deiner Tür

Du fehlst mir so
Ich fühl mich wie Romeo in einer One Man Show
Du fehlst mir so
Und dieser Song läuft nur für Dich im Radio

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

Writer's block

I'm full of emotions just pent up and somehow I can't find the words to express them. Guess I'm taking a break from this.

P.S. remember me, remembering you.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

Nodame, you're just what I need

I just think we all conform too much to society that we leave our individuality behind somewhere. It's a pain, really. Having to follow the flow, take for instance DotA. Words like Vladmir becomes Vladimir in Singaporean tongue, Final Fantasy Dissidia becomes Disilda.

I agree with the conversation I had the other day that I'm always too detached. Well I think it's because there's nothing for me to attach to. I mean who really talks to me? Well besides the darling who I talk to almost every night. But somehow I can't really express myself there either.

It's just a love hate relationship really. Darling taking your degree now, the only thing I remember is you calling someone a gnome and being pissed off at you. Go figure?

I'm taking a little time off from everything. Might be missing for awhile but I wasn't there in anyone's life to begin with, doesn't really matter to anyone.

Just going through a long term pms here. Up to you if you decide to call.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

Birthday

You know your birthday supposed to be the most joyous occassion but it always sucked for me. This year especially. I was nearly pissed off at every single person at 1 point save Serene.

Maira doesn't really bother to contact me. Called her on Friday to hear her say she was waiting for me to call, delayed cause she had another birthday celebration to attend to. Saturday she messaged me before the movie but didn't call me after. At that point of time I was already so pissed off I couldn't remember to call her either way. (Really disappointed)

Ben just pisses me off cause he always has this overpowering attitude towards me and can't seem to tell that I'm not the teen who used to always listen to him. Didn't wish me either even though I asked him why. (Pissed off)

Nicholas didn't want to wish me either because he loves to 'guai lan' and said he couldn't remember such things due to work. Argued with Nicole and both of them bailed on me at the end. (Not really angry just adding to the fuel)

Nicole forgot to inform Nicholas on the plans and didn't remember most of the stuff we agreed on earlier too. (Not really angry just adding to the fuel)

Pei Zi delayed till the point I didn't know if she was even coming so I went ahead with Bridget, Kevin and Rozann to the west side. She messages me when I'm almost there so I asked her to choose a station to meet and she doesn't want to. So I pick Chinese Gardens where I was at and she gets pissed off 5 minutes later. To top that off she reverted to the old lingo she had when I first met her and she was always smiling in disbelief at the things I've said. Had to send her back all the way to Pasir Ris and take a cab back. If she had the courtesy to tell me she didn't want to eat supper together anymore I could have dropped at tampiness for my last bus back. I follow her to outside Pasir Ris mrt and she just says 'bye bye'.

Cried myself to sleep on Friday because I was already experiencing more shit prior to this and another time the week before.

Only heartfelt thing that I received was the birthday wish from Nicole (not that one but this girl who used to be called Germaine, a year older than me and stays 5minutes away), even though its been at least 3-4 months since our last exchange of messages and it's more or less been me acting as her dictionary on a monthly basis. Still despite all the odds she still remembers my birthday and sincerely wished me. Well would love to meet her soon but she always turns me down so I don't really know.

At least Rozann made my day by making me laugh so hard so many times.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

Best wishes

Another couple of days to our anniversary, so how's it going?
Goddamn I must be high in the morning to be doing this.
Vocals just get me high =/
Well thought of saying something a little more than 'hi' and this was kind of the occassion I chose.
Don't know how you've been doing and we don't talk anymore so this is the best way I know how.
Just wishing you all the best and hope you can cross out more things in that little list of yours.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

Love you

Annie, you had your name in the bright lights.
I thought I saw your photograph having such a laugh in a magazine,
Did it all come tumbling?
Annie, you were made for the big time.
They said you're a star to be in the NME,
But the walls came tumbling down, down. Will you go down on me?
'Cause Annie you're a star, that's just not going very far.
And all the world will know your name,
And you'll be famous as you are 'cause I'll sing for you.
Annie, would it be nice to be recognised?
And did you practise your autograph but now no one's asked and it's such a shame,
That the dreams are crumbling?
Annie, why aren't you bathed in the limelight?
'Cause I thought that you said you'd be a celebrity several years ago.
Did it all come tumbling down, down. Will you go down on me?
'Cause Annie you're a star, that's just not going very far.
And all the world will know your name,
And you'll be famous as you are 'cause I'll sing for you.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

A contradiction for you

Still can't be bothered to change my blogskin and music even though I'm sick of looking at the whole thing and the music's just plain irritating. Lol.... I'm just too lazy =/

So back on topic, what's a hug to you? A friendly gesture, or perhaps a show of affection, each individual gives them out ,or should I say share the moment, with another based on different criteria.

I remember about 2 months back. A good friend shared with me a very funny valentine's day experience he had. It involved my dancer friend and a random pretty lady. Point is the pretty lady hugged him just to spread the love of valentine's day.

Now besides this kind of people, Singaporeans are pretty much REALLY SHY? People might want to argue that they're able to broach certain subjects blah blah, but they're not all that open or receptive to things foreign and not of the norm apparently.

We're all so staunched up in our view of society and social upbringings most of the time it's hard to open up to certain views that don't match our own. I remember N&N getting each other pissed off the other day because of this as well.

Going back onto affection, how many of you will actually display something similar to a person you just know and how many more are mature enough not to assume and despise another because "he/she did something which does not abide to regular social behaviour for a stranger/new friend"

I know people who are pretty staunch on physical contacts between a male and a female. He does this to her "I can call it molest",and I've heard stuff like "guys and girls shouldn't stand so close/hug"

Americans being labelled as crazy or slutty because they flash for the camera or have casual sex. But how can you judge based on just that. It's like we've not grown out of the social ettiquete from the 12th century or something where women can't even show their bare arms cause it's against moral values and you'd be called a slut.

You bump into a person and suddenly it becomes a fight. There's just so many things that show our social immaturity. If I want to put it in a really bad way I can say displaying such behaviour is being apparent to a savage man.

I've seen cases where people go on and on about seeing ghosts, about god, about religion about karma. Now I pose this question, does any of this make a direct impact in life? I've seen staunch christians who question others and say their god is the true god. Bodily harm for the sake of a religion is to dabble in the taboo. For each individual their take on this is different. There's more to things than what is told/knownso if I tell you the force exerted from a punch is enough to break the brick there, you still won't be able to do it without practice because it goes against the logic you've built up. Many would even say it's impossible to do it because their not strong enough, so then how did I drive my fist through one when I was a skinny little kid. You don't believe in something positive like this but yet are afraid of ghosts. Funny right. But for the brick thing it can be proven by physics but ghosts can not yet be proven yet so many people believe. If chanting prayers or wearing talismans can help. You mean there isn't a way to help yourself without god and without religion on this?

Sure I've seen the logic behind the whole supernatural thing and I have my beliefs. By the way I'm aethist, but not the kind that's into the whole "I've never seen a ghost so ghosts don't exist". Heck the majority say they have never seen one but believe they're there. I can't give a solid answer if they're there or they're not but I know one thing. So what. I've had plenty of supernatural encounters. I'm using this word cause it's just easier that way. One being a group of us go to OCH for I don't know why since they're scared. But I had to lead cause I've been there plenty and I'm supposed to chaperon. Then a girl gets possessed but what majority says is a pontianak and I exorcised it. Yeah that's one way to look at things, but another is. While walking down the halls she gets so freaked out her mind gets a little screwed and I had to do something that applies to the logic of the whole supernatural just so I "bluff" her that it's gone when it was something she created in her own mind. The second view is just playing with the human psyche which I'm all so fond of. I even play with my own once in awhile :D So back on topic why must most people see it either we see ghosts or we're lying to ourselves. Can't we be a little more open to the topic and wait. From my point of view, sitting on the fence here doesn't seem so bad. You just have to see it both ways.

Pardon my rantings and a little food for thought.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

Nostalgia; Here and then

It's been awhile since I last seen my blog, got to say it's kind of nostalgic. Browsing through all my links again, it's just so fun to figure out what has been going on in their life through the ever so few words in their blogs. I mean all the words in the world will not suffice to describe even a day in life. You just have to open up a little.

No more songs a little poems for this post cause I've been listening to the same old shit over and over again. I think my inspiration's all dried up =/.

Not getting near enough sleep lately. 4 hours a day is bout as good as it gets. Not cause NS is so fucked up it have to work super overtime. It's just cause I'm too absorbed by my recreational activities. Got to say I'm often too lazy to even go for night's out.

Okay now off to what I've been feeling recently. You know I'm always so absorbed by the day and my surroundings my mind doesn't wander off as much anymore. Nickiie darling baby, you have to tell me why Nickiie asked you to call her that.

So I guess my blog isn't completely dead yet. Thanks Nicole for the tag, been wanting to blog lately, just was too lazy to do so. You kind of reminded me :D

I miss you, I miss you, and I miss you also. Lol again too lazy to name people. At least 1 person shocked me cause she remembered what we said together that day. I was seriously stunned that she smsed lol. Damn funny I tell you. Must be because I was always going on about how she should call me and stuff instead of the other way around.

On a last note, the ex's latest post kind of makes me wonder who is the person(s) she's referring to.

Final final last thing to say is, I find that I subconsiously pass day after day and when I look back, I don't see the footsteps that leads me here. Just gets me wondering what lead me to be standing here and now, so obviously different and yet still confusingly comforting.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

Guess you're the only one

she's got a pretty smile
it covers up the poison that she hides
she walks around in circles in my head
waiting for a chance to break me
chance to take me down
now I see this burden you gave me
is too much to carry
too much to bury inside
I guess you're the only one
that nobody changes
I guess you're the only one
left standing when everything else goes down
you're still the only one,
you're still the only one
it's so shallow and all so appealing
I'm up to my ankles and I'm drowning anyway
in a sea of sarcastic faces
familiar places
everything looks quite the same here
it's all confusingly amusing
bitter and tainted the picture you painted to me
I guess you're the only one
that nobody changes
I guess you're the only one
left standing when everything else goes down
you're still the only one
who will never change faces
I guess you're the only one
left standing when everything else goes down
just 'cause it's all in your head
doesn't mean it has to be in mine
don't believe what you said
still can't get it out of my mind
I've tried to find myself in approval
I've already been there already done that
it got me nowhere it brought me nothing
but a good place to hide in
no one to confide in now
I guess you're the only one
that nobody changes I guess
guess you're the only one
who will never change faces
I guess you're the only one

It feels so long since I came back to this point. After walking down that path and going astray. I'm back to square one. Same old thoughts, same old stuffy mind. If you get it then 'lifehouse - only one' would really suit my homecoming.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

Starting a movement

-COPY AND POST-

This is an organised pro-fansubbing argument designed to provide some effective solutions for the future. An open mind is required, as well as the ability to accept and bring about massive changes in media marketing.

First off, I would like to point out that my ponderings are centered on the Anime industry, though they are still more or less applicable to all forms of fansubbing/”piracy”.

I am currently a massive anime fan, timewise I must have spent at least 3 of the last 6 years watching/reading the stuff. Whilst I do not buy the DVD boxsets (through fear of bankruptcy and dubbing) I DO buy the original manga comic books when they become available in my area.

I’m not trying to argue that I support the author this way so my piracy is fine (right?), because that sort of argument is weak and cannot lead to a solution. (Like I said people, stay open minded if you wanna read this, I ain’t gonna listen to critiscism from guys that only filtered out the bits they wanted to hate)

But now understand this, I seriously doubt I would even know about the existence of Anime and manga if one of my friends hadn’t come round my house and watched a “pirated” episode on the internet. What does this mean? That the author/producer/Copyright Holders lost more potential sales to another “pirate”? Or did they gain the sales of the mangas I buy that I wouldn’t otherwise have known about? Tell me, what have they lost, really, by having their product made known WORLDWIDE. Now here is a little lesson in physcology, okay? When you see something you REALLY like, you WANT to own a physical, material representation of that something. FACT. (AGAIN, no b#tch babbling here ok? This next part is what I want you to consider [SERIOUSLY consider])

Media marketing… Has changed. *puff*

In the last decade, over 40% of the world population has gained a regular internet connection, and with the modernisation of China and India along with many 3rd world countries, that percentage will naturally increase very rapidly making the internet the ultimate international marketplace. *hacking cough*

Now answer me this, anti-fansubber copyright holders, authors and producers, why aren’t you exploiting that market?

‘Yeah but we are! We’re putting DVD ads on it and everything!’

Shutup. You have in front of you the largest distribution network ever imagined, and yet you’re getting p#issed off at US, because WE are using that network to get YOUR products.

Another question, how does the television industry work? Afterall, anyone with a TV and an antenna can watch it, so how do you make a profit? Come on now, you should know this one, surely! It’s only how you’ve been making a living for the past, oh I don’t know, 60 YEARS!!!!

Now then, have you put 2 and 2 together yet? Thats right. If you were to put your show on the internet, with some ads in it, you would be earning cash exactly the same way you are now (just like TV, look at that!). Oh, except for one small thing. Your show (and its precious advertising slots) wouldn’t be shown just to a region, a state or even a country, but the entire world, at the same time. I think that also gives you the right to make those ad slots a bit more expensive, no?

And guess what, if you were to create your OWN subbing team, who would of course sub the ads as well and not remove them, then not only would the fansubbers/”pirates” goal be acheived, but you’d also now be making considerable money from what is under current laws, the biggest black market ever.

And there we have it, it’s all up to you, the anti-fansubbers. If you have such a big problem with this, get off your fat corporate asses and exploit what we’re doing, instead of keeping up these futile efforts of trying to condemn it. Because that is another fact; you can’t stop us. It’s far too easy for us, and far too difficult for you. Oh, that and we’re not going to stop either. We don’t care who posted what we’re watching, but we WILL keep on watching it.

So now it’s your turn. Why don’t YOU show ME the future? I’ll be watching…

To all that have read this post, know that this is a supported movement across the globe, gradually building. Please show your support for this Media revolution by posting your version of this argument in forums, blogs etc. wherever you see the topic of this conflict. Together, let’s work for an advantageous future for all.

Thanks for reading,

AnimeAddict, Streetyboy, Violent_Diplomate



A new unit tomorrow. 39SCE CBRE PNR - EOD DVR. Pioneer batch, high pay, tough training, lots of 'sai kang'. Don't know what more could I ask for. At least I get to deal with chemical and ordinance :D Well... At least I think so. Don't really know what to expect there.

Speaking of starting a movement, I've been making changes in my life. I think those of you who've known me long enough would've realised I'm a little different.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

Layman isn't the grey man

For once lets make the post in layman terms so people could actually understand what I'm say. First off my leave period has been going swell. Ordered a new computer and bought myself an external harddrive(another milestone in the race for technological supremecy). Eat, travel, eat some, then eat some more and you guessed it just plain stuffing myself silly :D. All these 'enriching' activities just shows how much I'm spending =/

The highlight of everything was the nearly 20 litres of beer we had at Priscilla's birthday barbeque. 40 cans of raffles and changs, 2 big cans of anchor and 4 bottles of tiger. That gave me like 4kg extra on my first weigh and a 3kg drop on my second after the long hours of sleep I had. Hmm on a side note it's advisable not to walk along Pasir Ris beach in the really early morning cause there's alot of disgusting stuff lying around and not to mention, don't even think of barbequeing them cause it's just plain sick!

One drawback though, the bloody desktop is going to take more than a week to come so I won't be able to even smell it before I lose all freedom again. Hope I get into SISPEC!

Had a laugh at the new movie cause it was just retarded and a joke to boot. Hope you all scream more and laugh less when you watch it =x Over the years it seems I've not lost all my skills at pool which made me kind of glad. Went with the younger generation to monster pool and for some sadistic reason they kept challenging me even though no matter how much chance I try to give them it's like eventual but they keep asking for more. I'd like to leave on a note that the curry puff hairstyle totally makes you look like a fool to non-chinese cultured people.

Love is in the air ya!

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

A symphonic melody for the broken

Seriously my thoughts should stop being in melodies or clips for once. How am I supposed to express stuff into words when I have to spend hours contemplating, become lazy and get side-tracked.

Sometimes I still can hear

His voices calling, calling me from everywhere

And now and then

I feel my soul slowly slipping out of myself into his hell

"I know he's waiting there for me

In his limbo between destination and reality"

Lost vision of a resolution, descending rapidly down the spiral, not quite sure what I have embarked. Senseless thoughts. In the shifting sands, raven dark, the words my eyes read on the sheet pull my gaze along the lines. Devour facts my comprehension meet in the words, between and behind. Pulling my fate along.... She claws at my feet and makes me forget.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

And there she goes

"Time is ticking on
You don't get a second shot
And when you sell your soul for a leading role
Will the lost souls be forgot

And if I can't hear the music and the audience is gone
I'll dance right here alone
And I hope the Lonely Hearts Club band will play out one last song
Before the Sun goes down"

It just feels like I'm watching her running away. So slowly, the feeling sapping out of me ever so slowly. Even if I can't remember her face, even if the longings are gone, I'll love you all the same.

So babe hear me sing as I forget the lyrics, as I can't hear the music, as I make a fool of myself. Remember me for my stand on the lonely stage. For my tears as I lose those precious recollections. Don't forget me. Don't ever forget me.

Run baby run, cause you don't want to see this. You don't have to be afraid cause you're strange and new. Don't wait for me to follow cause time is ticking on. You have your leading role and I'll dance here on my own.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

Silence

Are you too busy in your life to turn around and see me waiting behind the corner? Does that mean I should turn and walk away? I would call you up every Saturday night and we'd both stay up till the morning light and we sang, here we go again. I never used camp as an excuse, I can always find the time, but can you put it the effort to remember me? Here's a toast to you and a jolly good hoorah. Crying in the pages of tomorrow.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

Tears

Will I not be missed, when I'm no longer around.

When my smile fades to the ground.

Beneath the laughter, joy and euphoria, who can see my frown?

Cries in the night, tears in the fall, down... down... down...

My voice echoes in the dark never to see the light.

I don't buy the promises cause, there are no promises to keep.

Who do I turn to, when it's my turn to cry.

See the world turning as I hide under my sheets, look at the stars fall down and wonder where.

Do I go now.

We may walk on the same path never taking a look at the person beside. So who here wants to take my hand. For all the things that has brought us together, what keeps you from looking into my heart and giving me a hug.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow