Letter to my dar

Dear dar,

You say I speak gibberish when it is that which I pride myself in, my accomplishment in my language. The way I express myself in words are "emo" to you. But, they are to me, words that continue to fill the pages of the book I call my life. I seem empty to you because you only look at the surface. The conquests I pursue are that you cannot follow. Though they might seem insignificant to you, they are what I treasure dearly in my life. I'm not a social butterfly because I choose not to, there's nothing wrong with it. So don't treat it as something is wrong. To me, there's more to life than just work and having fun with friends. There's more than one way to live a life and I'm just trying to live happily my way.

I know you want to help me like how I have and always will, if you only allow. You say I'm boring. But, haven't you been unable to understand me as of yet? In "us", it is a journey you must go through alone. If it is as you say and you do want to spend your life with me, I leave you with words of advice: "certain things take a lifetime, others take but an insignificant fraction. Do heed that misconception drives the world around".

I leave some things out of our conversations, just cause, I do not want you to worry. They are things I can only rely on myself and you are unable to help.. Yet. Maybe someday. "One man's paradise, is another man's living hell" , though you see me now as confining myself. To me, I'm just using what time I have left to live as a child, before I serve the nation. Yes I'm bored at times as I'm mostly alone, but it's just part of life.

You say "work hard, play hard" but to me, it's either work or play. I'm a devoted gamer, gaming has been with me for more than 10 years. Since I started playing on SEGA, it's already a part of me.I'm an anime otaku, yes I watch anime everyday with most titles I can't even commit to memory. These are all but hobbies I indulge and love very much.

You don't want me wasting my life like you did in the past. Not doing anything. Just plain slacking. But weren't you the one who says sometimes I seem so old. I'm unable to tell you everything upfront just because of the fact my mind is a huge archive. I always plan things on a subconscious level. You know I multi-task in my head. You know it's really messy up there. So stop trying to look in as I have trouble tidying up to be ready for you to visit.

Rest assured dar.. I won't be doing what I do now even a year down the road, so don't look so far as 10. Why don't you look at us now instead, not our future. You've been looking too far ahead to not see the problems we're actually facing now. I continue to long for you, I continue to miss you and I will continue to love you. For you are that special one.

So dar, I plead with you. For everything I say, always leave room for more. For everything I do, there's always a side you don't yet know. Just lean on me again like you used to. Share again like you always have. Let me take the lead and do not doubt. To put it simply, don't be afraid to ask of me, don't keep me at arm's length anymore.

In closing, jus hold my hand tightly and follow, for it won't go wrong. People change.. My mom changes.. She won't shout at you anymore. Don't give yourself unnecessary worries. It's okay to be selfish at times, but don't forget you own me, as I own you. When I'm sad, you get affected by it even though you don't want to. So just cheer me up and you'll be happy as well.

Yours sincerely,
Ted