Dear Dar,
You might want to ask me why is it I post what I want to tell you in a blog, where everyone else can read. Then why don't you look back and question yourself. When was the last time you listened to my complaints without trying to defend yourself or change it to an arguement. Today just watching my friend getting up on the ambulance on a stretcher and talking with another on the mrt home. I just finally decided to post this to you.
There's a saying that goes "if you leave treasure out in the open, it's just asking to get stolen". If I am what you say. I am someone special to you. How long are you going to leave me out in the open, cold and alone?
For the past two months, I've felt like a dog. I bark at you for attention but you scold or otherwise ignore me. I ask for your company but you avoid me or rather be alone. I ask for your care and concern but you turn and try to become strict with me.
I missed the days you kept me on a short leash. Always looking forward to meeting me. Giving me incentive to know I'm loving the right person. Those days I felt like a loved puppy. You hardly ever keep to your promises and we didn't have much money to spend. But I can gladly say that those days were the happiest in my life. The days I spent with you at the start.
As I grew older as your dog, you started imposing requirements on me. I have to stop wasting my life and get a job, I have to stop being 'emo' etc. Being consumed by this, you forgot what it means to commit anymore. To look after me and continue to show love and affection. With this, I've lost meaning of why I have always and will continue to gladly put up with you just because I love you.
So now I wish to say this, if my owner is going to continue treating me like this. Leaving me alone. Never spending time to spend with me anymore. Never even making me feel loved anymore. This dog of yours will run away from home. For if there's no warmth in a home, it is but a house which you stay in. If feel there's no love from your spouse or partner, it's just commitment keeping them together. And now, I feel as if there's just a little commitment to each other, but I don't feel the love.
I would like to repeat that I'm still deeply in love with you. But if you don't even return any I'm trying to shower you with. I will slowly start to do it less and less. Eventually not at all. If you want me to wait for you, just tell me. If you have problems you otherwise don't know how to share verbally. I've always been really good at just reading you. If you still treasure and want me, you know how and where to find me. I'm not asking for a phone call with you avoiding the whole thing unless I press for an answer. If till now pride is more important, let me just tell you that prideful beings are always alone. I don't mean literally alone. But how many people in the world can you say know you in and out, and have been and will always be there for you.
I know you've been going out with another close friend the past few days when you had spare time after work. You've started to call him and even gave a hug on monday. If that's how you treat "just a friend". Then why don't you compare that to how you treat your dar? You're returning his love and care. Then proceed to avoid mine, I don't see why is that so. Stop telling me about I do this and that, at that time I could've broken up with you shit. Why don't you ask yourself over the course of two months plus, you've broken up with me three times. You've made me sad, angry and even cry countless times. I could've also said I would have broken up with you back then.
I still get sad cause you find excuses to not meet me up till now. I still get sad cause you don't even bother to contact me cause you say I'm 'emo'. Well you're the one who makes me emo in the first place most of the time, if you aren't aware of it now. Don't try to scold me cause I'm blaming you, and start to think, would you get 'emo' if i started neglecting you and avoiding you?
I heard a good phrase from someone unexpected "even if you're emo, you still have to live". So I can put in in use about 'us' and say. Even though I'm said, you still have to love me. If not, it just defeats the whole purpose of us being together in the first place.
Do you remember what you've said in the past? "You're special, you're a boyfriend I'm completely comfortable with and can be myself." So why are you being uncomfortable now? If you say I'm emo, then start making me happy, instead of just plain complaining and asking me to do something about it.
You're important that's why I get happy so easily, you're important that's why I get sad and cry so easily and, you're important that's why I get angry so easily.
I only have a rough idea what's going through your mind now, because I've been so far apart from you, I can only guess and don't know anymore. It seems from the way you say things, I've been ill treating you. But did you remember I cried and gave the reason as "you treat me like shit". The positive advice I receive from friends like, "if she's like that, how long more can you endure? You can't expect a miracle to change her overnight". Yes it's true I don't expect you to suddenly change. But if you're not even trying to find time to spend with me. You'd rather go out with friends cause I'm emo or rather stay at home and relax. Then there isn't really a point anymore.
I'm not giving you much time anymore, for I have been waiting and waiting all along. Since the day we patched, have you ever asked me out? All I ever did this month was to basically be a bolster once a week. But for the past 7 days or more, we didn't even meet at all. So you tell me, you say we're not progessing. But how much is it my fault and how much is it yours? Is work really that important? Is your pride really that important that you don't want a boyfriend like this? Then I'm sad to say that I've been reduced to a boyfriend, and not a special someone you'd go all out for. I feel as though I'm just someone in your life, who's slowly drifting away. I no longer feel I'm the special someone.
Whatever you tell me next, if it's not something like "I want you", or "I'm sorry I'll try but please give me some time". Then you might just hear me call for a breakup. And when I breakup means it's over. Think about it. But if you're going to jus avoid it or complain then it's safe to say I feel like I'm not that important to you. I've said afew times that "as long as you love me, I'd do everything in my power to keep us together". But if I really don't feel the love, I'll just take it as you don't love me anymore. It's better to break now than for you to continue hurting me or hurt me even worse in the future and if you don't even keep a promise when I want you to mean it, then what do I have to hold on to? When was the last time you even called me dar on msn?
Yours sincerely,
Ted
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