Fade to black(correction green lol)

Stuff are happening like what a regular life should be life. Feels like I lost myself somewhere back there in all the daily happenings. Memories are entertaining :D. Inpromptu outings, the absolute randomness, been really fun. Looking back on the things that brought me to where I am. I just got to have to smile. Surviving through many ordeals is what brought me here. Though I feel like dying like everyday it just feels like a major accomplishment to see myself going on the next. Now for my song of tomorrow. It's changed alot but do you see the roots that run every so deep or the fragments of my life within the song? Here's something for ya!

Wonder who would recognise me

When my callused past is left behind

When I've shed my skin to adorn a new robe

I charge towards the dawn hammer with all my might

Creating a new world with the picking of the pieces

Who would recognise me

When a new Sun rises behind

Brimming with light

No longer the darkened day

For it's seizure held the foundation of today

The fruits of flowers bear promise

For the children of tomorrow

I kiss my love goodbye with tears and a smile

The river quenches my thirst when I feel dry

The smile shines ever so brightly whenever I look up at the sky

For they whisper words of wisdom

Can you see it in my eyes

Calling for the last dance of today

The silent hymm plays tune

The words are in your eyes

But blind yourself in the moment

Let the words be all so wrong

Let the day become memory

For a better tomorrow

Burn the dream of today

And pick the pieces up

Cause they're just you

Just me

Just everything we thought wrong

Yesterday's wrongs will make

Today's right

In the ashes

We're standing still darling

So take a step

And fall for the sake of tomorrow

Cry yourself dry and qench your thirst in the rivers of joy

Wipe away the scars

Pick yourself up

A touch of my hand says I'll catch you

Whenever you fall

A kiss on your lips says I'll love you

Whoever you become

My warm embrace says I'll be there

Whenever you're cold

I say it best

When I say nothing at all

(P.S. Bri I wanna hear your songs of love someday)

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
For I am but a shadow

In your eyes; I see it

Well I suppose it's about time I blog. "Same old moves for... a new romance... I could use... The same old lines..." Haha even in there it's the same old life. It's like I'm getting a second chance to live my school life once more.

Only 2 lines repeat in my head right now. "Shine on... Just shine on cause they're all just slaves to the gods they've pray" it gives me the motivation I need to not lose myself. Then another recent one "It's not about who's right, certain things are worth more than that". I'm on the verge of breaking down again. I'm crying now, but who can I turn to? For all the things I've done so far there hasn't been one thing which I'm proud about.

I'm still thinking of the same old person every night and day, like some sick lovebird. I feel like a completely sappy idiot. I just really wish that I could close my eyes and it'll all be gone. I wonder what happened to the me who always laughed and smiled. The words I've always needed are here but I'm not dancing on the clouds like I'm supposed to.

[Will continue with the next post when my emotions stabalise]

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
for I am but a shadow

The final arpeggios

This post is meant for everyone who reads my blog.
The first thing would be a compilation of last words I've received from people:


Cheryl: Huh you going tomorrow?Take care...
Calvin: Don't die
Clara: Good Bye
Riken: Goodluck and don't die


Serene: TRAIN HARD!!!BE A TOUGH MAN!!!We are soulmates, long live the sisterhood..(yes she did say that)
Ranjani: Have fun!! Have fun there!!
Cindy: Good luck


Dimitri: Never give up and it's always in the mind... And if I can do it, you can do better... And take it like a man... If my dad can survive Israel soldiers when Singapore had its first army, this is chicken feet... But I'm sure you can pull it through, you're a fighter... Most of us martial artist train, this is a walk in the park, just sit back and enjoy the ride... This will be a life changing experience from you...(Lol taken his age into consideration it is normal FYI you're my oldest friend!!)
Sha: I'm going to miss you and your hair and I'm waiting for my chocolates...
Debby: You just take care of yourself and don't let people bully you
Nicole: Haha, take care.


Bridget: I'll call you out everytime you book out
Rozann: Teach me how to do chinups next time, they just look hard
Lovely: My line is "MAY YOU SURVIVE"

Brothers are all excluded cause they're doing a different thing. If you read this and I mean anything to you, be it a great friend, some guy you want to get to know better or whatever it is, as long as you treat me as a friend tag what I mean to you. Whoever who missed out saying their last words can tag too. Please do. It'll give me something to smile about the next time I check the blog. Don't exclude yourself cause we're close or you hardly know me. Anyone who tries I'll do my best in return.

Today was great. Woke up and ate a nice lunch/breakfast. Got chased by Serene cause I was late. Dolled up nicely and went to Orchard in the afternoon to make more moments to remember this old life I'm giving up by. Intended to take alot of pictures but it didn't turned out as planned. But I gained a soulmate/sister :D Sha finally got discharged and I got to catch up with her for afew minutes before she disappeared.

Since I planned to leave my old life behind from the start, it's time I explained the reason behind the stuff I did for the past few months. I was trying so hard to call many of you people out cause I want to consider you as a friend not some online confidant. I pulled that little stunt Dolly for old time sake and to see your reaction one last time. It a pity I didn't contact some of you like Maira and Jie Ying cause we lost contact or I was just too caught up in my own life. Most of you are great friends I want to keep.

Only 2 people managed to receive christmas presents from me so far and I'd like to say this to both of you. Even though we are all leading different lives, the point that is you responded to what I've done and choose to absorb me into yours, gives me reason enough to say that you mean alot to me.

Okay my brothers we kind of don't give presents anyway so don't be jealous. I'll always do all in my power at a whim for you guys.

Goodbye to myself and to the life I'm leaving behind, for when I next read this, I will be reborn anew. My only regret is that I won't be able to huge Dolly for the last time, I will miss you alot. I won't try to contact you again since it only seems to hurt me.

[Edit]
Jie jie you called at a really great time. Okay you're in Yishun but I need to sleep so I can't find you. Your last words was "take care and see you in 2 weeks". Oh yea, say hi to Jie Ying for me and try to drag her along the next time you meet me. I haven't seen her in a year.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
for I am but a shadow

Yesterday Once More

Before I say anything, the inspiration today goes to 'Yesterday Once More by The Carpenters'.

When I was young

I'd listen to the radio

Waitin' for my favorite songs

When they played

I'd sing along

It made me smile.

Those were such happy times

And not so long ago

How I wondered where they'd gone

But they're back again

Just like a long lost friend

All the songs I loved so well.

Every Sha-la-la-la

Every Wo-o-wo-o

Still shines

Every shing-a-ling-a-ling

That they're startin' to sing's

So fine.

When they get to the part

Where he's breakin' her heart

It can really make me cry

Just like before

It's yesterday once more.

Lookin' back on how it was

In years gone by

And the good times that I had

Makes today seem rather sad

So much has changed.

It was songs of love that

I would sing to then

And I'd memorize each word

Those old melodies

Still sound so good to me

As they melt the years away.

Every Sha-la-la-la

Every Wo-o-wo-o

Still shines

Every shing-a-ling-a-ling

That they're startin' to sing's

So fine.

All my best memories

Come back clearly to me

Some can even make me cry.
Just like before

It's yesterday once more.

About afew posts back I mentioned 'back to basics'. Well 'Yesterday Once More' goes well with it. I mean, it's like yesterday for me. Back to the start when I took my step, I had all my physical needs catered for. But then, I was always alone. Didn't have a dad till my step dad showed up when I was around 8. He married my mom afew years after that.

All I had for company was the tv and the maid. Well yeah maids come and go so besides my very first maid I actually remember who lasted like 10 years with us, I slowly ever stopped communicating with anyone. Just like today, it's back to yesterday. I talk to my blog.... And that's it. Well you could count in that I've been narrating to myself since I could remember but I think everyone does that.

Those were the days I chased after what I wanted the most. Paleonthology, physics, history and other assorted stuff. I didn't have the memory for those things that I do now. You could say I really memorised those stuff by heart compared to now. I selectively remember key points which enable me to form up the whole thing anytime I want.

More on my physical life, it was anime and documentaries with stuff like power rangers and ultra-man which I later grew out of. Only interest for the first 2 stayed. Never really hanged out with others much. Everyday was basically a rush to go home unless I wanted to go sight seeing alone. Back home I'd just slack, the day flew by slowly and that's it. This kind of explains why I never get bored just sitting at home. Hell it's been with me since I was born. I kind of never grew out of it. My tastes change, my thoughts mature but my habits still remain the same.

Every little thing I'd ask my Mum constantly and I kept getting scolded, so ended up, I got used to explaining to myself why. Kinda lonely for a little kid huh? You could say I had everything but people around me. Used to be really talkative during Primary school too. I mean really talkative. Mom said I started talking at a really tender age ( can't remember what though). But due to how I grew up it now is selective. I can yap away to certain people, at certain times, on certain topics but not always.

Now it's as though I'm the only one who remembers. The people who appear around me once in awhile, they don't remember it the way I do. Well.. Maybe except Bri but then she's an exception... She started her life with Victoria. It's complicated and I don't want to explain what relation this has to anything so I'll just leave it as that.

Back to the present, learned a whole bunch of important life lessons today. Will share a single one liner that I managed to express into words. "If dignity and code comes first, you have a tough life ahead of you". Plenty more where that came from but as usual, can't find the words to express. I'm not saying that line is wrong but, it kind of just explains why. All you prideful people out there, all you completely logical people, when you only see it that way, you got to force your way in a straight line. Maybe it's just me but, not everything is better 'by the book' nor do they conform to logic.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
for I am but a shadow

Factors and Comets, The Vast Universe

It's nice... To have external factors in life everyday. The need to go to work, the people you commute with. All on a daily basis, a daily routine. To have an orbit around you must feel great. I could never accomplish such a simple task. The foreign objects comes and just goes when I loosen my grip, or smashes when I hold on too much.

I visit others never to stay, I bear witness to the unseen, but all these are just kept within me. How I wish those who observe me from their telescope will plan an expedition to meet me. How I wish others were able to take my soil samples and maybe even a core sample just to find out about me. My composition of materials, my maturity, my age and possibly where I've been.

The collision I had which brought me close to losing my consisting materials that make me scar deep down to the core. The surface wounds have all been healed but the recent minor collision I had with an old neighbour rocked my core like an earthquake. Once again I feel the hurt. I almost absorbed it in the endless pursuit in this deep space to become larger, to finally stop moving on and start on the plans, to have a stationary orbit of my own. I just move too fast that I fling things out and absorbed nothing but the information that can be extracted and the memories my passenger embeded.

The recent Supernova took away too much of me that now my composition has changed too much and now so my course. For I absorbed external objects to regain my mass and now they've set in motion, a new becoming of me.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
for I am but a shadow

OMG I'm SOO HAPPY CAN?!

Haha Bri sorry I stole your line. Just had to use it for this occassion. Faced my fear yesterday, meeting the ex. Okay everything started with Bri again, she just had to drop me off at Aljunied then it made me want to just go down to Pasir Ris. So I did, called Dolly didn't pick up so I went for the next best thing, my first best friend I ever had, my cousin. Walked 1 big round to his place, got a carton of beer and just sat down to talk for old times sake.

Dolly got back to me later and we eventually walked down to her place with me as red as a lobster. Never thought I'd chill around at a playground again, was fun except the thing that I didn't have my full attention span. Dolly took forever to come down as usual and her mac repaid the favor. Even saved a can for her but then she just drank afew sips and thats it, can wasted.

For old time sake with her I did a OMGWTFBBQPEWPEWLAZER lie to her. Lol she bought it for half the day can? What's more fun than that. Spent the night at her place way after my cousin left cause he had school in the morning.

I couldn't sleep much at Dolly's place so I blogged in my phone. Will post it up in my blog once I transfer it over. Cheerios!

It's quiet...

And dusty...

My head's pounding...

You know looking at her lying there again,

it just brings back memories of why I fell in love with her.

She just makes me want to be there.

To pat her head,

to pinch her cheeks

and to laugh at her ever so sweet self that comes out when we're alone.

We all lie,

We have disbelief

and we all slander.

It's just part of society nowadays.

It's what we grew up in and what made us the way we are.

Petty rumors...

Overblown stories...

It just makes life interesting.

I learned that after understanding my own becoming.

Now my next step would not be to oppose life's flow but gradually divert it's flow.

I realised it's what I've been doing all along when I can now see it's waters flow around me.

But now I'll use knowledge of that to my advantage.

Things in life come and go,

knowing how to make things come and accepting it,

understanding why they go is just what makes my life fulfulling.

It's what makes mine interesting.

We humans can be so cute sometimes.

Wanting to make a mark,

wanting to defy what makes us who we are.

It's in our nature to oppose authority unless it's our own.

That's what just most people grow up to be like.

Haha after all the events that've occured,

I find it best to just pen down my words that I narrate to myself.

After all, sharing all of these directly to people is what created the whole mess I had prior.

It's fun yet ironic to look at what you've created and yet not being able to do a thing.

The stuff I had set in motion...

We've all changed over the last few months.

Maybe it's the drastic things that've happened,

maybe I've opened my eyes after past events made me see more.

We were never meant to time travel, only to dream about it to expand the mind.

We seek to improve in terms of intelligence and gain more knowledge

because of our own shortcomings in terms of evolution.

It takes too long...

You can't deny it, the heriditary traits still remain and we want to carry it on,

for better or for worse.

We all know how flawed we are but our own weakness it what makes it 'life'

We all know the steps made today

were to cover the mistakes of the past.

Extinction and pollution.

It can occur naturally.

But we humans are seated too comfortably at the top to give it all up.

We are subjucated to be chained for our own conquests.

I see the chains around myself,

they hurt..

But there is no point to free myself.

I use knowledge of their existence to ease the pain and to prepare for each hurdle ahead.

It's funny actually...

I know the flaws yet I seek to embrace them.

This is just to curb the loneliness,

to curb the thoughts that make me unbecoming of man.

In the epitomy I've reached in this journey,

I finally understand the meaning and importance of 'back to basics'.

Sin†ner™
Do not wonder,
for I am but a shadow